Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
