You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
