She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
