I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
