please come you make the beer taste better
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
