god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
