fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Found your dick twin last night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
