His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
