just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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