you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
