he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
