This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
