also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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