You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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