there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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