Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
