His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
