Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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