Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
