Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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