honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
