Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
