nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
