I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
