i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
