ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
