I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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