Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
