So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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