you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
