I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
