Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
her vagine was all disorganized.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
