I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
