He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
