He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
