I faked an abortion last night.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
