Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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