that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she looked like the before picture.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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