True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
