so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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