He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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