cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
