tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
