I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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