Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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