First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
nutella sex= disaster
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
