I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
