hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
