life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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