I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
