Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
