so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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