Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
